lizcommotion: Lily and Chance squished in a cat pile-up on top of a cat tree (buff tabby, black cat with red collar) (Default)
Hi! I may have subscribed to your journal because you wrote something interesting that showed up while I was browsing dreamwidth or reading my network page. Perhaps you're reading this because you think I wrote something of note. Either way, welcome.

I try to avoid hate speech of any kind on my journal. If I slip up and say something heedless of my own privilege, please tell me - in a non-flaming way. These are teachable moments, not times to whack people over the head with a newspaper.

I could list an alphabet soup of identities, but suffice it to say thatRead more... )
lizcommotion: A hand drawn spinning wheel covered in roses (spinning wheel briar rose)
i have recently discovered/realized that most of my executive function runs on anxiety. or i should say, RAN on anxiety. this is...not sustainable. omg, is it not. but let me backtrack.
cn: descriptions of anxiety as relates to coping with executive function )

+1 anxiety level-up, now there's a new boss to fight i guess

SO, here's some thinkythoughts and reflection, in case that helps anyone else.

but also, how does anyone get anything the fuck done? suggestions welcome, with the understanding that brains are different.
lizcommotion: A hand drawn spinning wheel covered in roses (spinning wheel briar rose)
From Liisa Hantsoo and C. Neill Epperson. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder: Epidemiology and Treatment. Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2015 Nov; 17(11): 87.

Progesterone levels are low during menses and the follicular phase and are mirrored by progesterone's main metabolite, allopregnanolone (ALLO), also a neuroactive steroid. Progesterone and ALLO increase in the luteal phase and decrease quickly around menses. This chronic exposure followed by rapid withdrawal from ovarian hormones may be a key factor in the etiology of PMDD [12]. In a recently developed animal model of PMDD based on progesterone withdrawal, rats in withdrawal from physiological doses of progesterone exhibited social withdrawal and anhedonia, symptoms characteristic of PMDD [13]. Indeed, preclinical research demonstrates that chronic progesterone exposure followed by rapid withdrawal is associated with increased anxiety behavior and alterations in γ-aminobutyric acid (GABA)A receptor function [12–14]. Recent work suggests that this effect may not be due to progesterone itself, but progesterone's main metabolite ALLO, as blocking progesterone conversion to ALLO blocks the aforementioned effects of progesterone [15].

ALLO is a potent positive allosteric modulator of the GABAA receptor, similar to alcohol or benzodiazepines, with anxiolytic, anesthetic, and sedative properties [16••]. It is possible that women with PMDD have developed tolerance to the arousal-reducing and GABA-enhancing effects of ALLO.


What is that you say about GABA?

From Pain: Hope through Research

GABA (or gamma-aminobutyric acid) is predominately an inhibitory neurotransmitter in that it generally decreases or blocks the activity of neurons. Most of what we know of its role in pain is related to its function in inhibiting spinal cord neurons from transmitting pain signals and therefore dampening pain. Chemicals that are similar to GABA have been explored as possible analgesics, but because GABA is so widespread in the nervous system it is difficult to make a GABA-like drug without affecting other nervous system functions. As we learn more about the specific roles of GABA receptors, drug development may be accelerated.


If I had all the monies I would fund a study about the link between GABA, chronic pain, and PMDD like...10 years ago. BUT ANYWAY I leave these thoughts for you my darlings, in the hopes that it may help someone.

Meanwhile a bit of my brain is still going "so, PMDD is possibly my brain suffering monthly withdrawal from its own chemicals. GREAT."
lizcommotion: A hand drawn terrier "smiling" and looking slightly cross-eyed, shown from the neck up (dog terrier djinni)
So now Stardew Valley has been Officially Released for Mac and Linux I thought I would post about mods I am using. I don't know how well the mods work on Mac and Linux -- though I plan to test the Linux ones, natch -- but this is just here for general reference. Also, for an overview of mods on an Official Review Site, here's one on PC Gamer.

I basically categorize the types of mods I use into two: gameplay mods and cosmetic mods. There are also two install methods. In one, you backup your Stardew Valley folder (backup: important), and then replace a particular file with a mod file. So you can replace the file for cows with a new file and viola, different cows! In another, you use a mod manager called SMAPI. You place the mods inside the SMAPI folder, then launch the game from SMAPI. (This is used for more complex mods, like "make fishing easier" and "let me summon my goddamn horse").

Note: it's good to install mods from a reputable source, and I use either nexusmods or stardewmods.


Gameplay Mods to save time, mental energy, and head desking

    Time Speed Adjust the day length so if you don't want to feel rushed, you don't have to ([personal profile] tyger this mod is for you!)
  • NPC Map Locations For when you have to give an NPC a quest item/present and don't feel like finding out where they are/might be on the wiki every 5 minutes.

  • Chest Labels because my memory is not that great and this way I can actually sort things and not go "where the fuck is that thing I need" all the time

  • Signs for your fruit trees so you can remember what you planted, where

  • Tapper's dream mod (technically a cheat) makes the non-fruit trees grow in winter and other things that just make them easier to grow. Note: because it makes it easier to harvest the seeds so they grow on purpose rather than everywheres, can affect lumber production if you don't stay on top of purposeful planting

  • Horse Whistle which teleports your horse to your location. Which me, if you don't have a horse yet. IT'S BETTER.

  • Slower fence decay because I have better things to do than repair fences all the goddamn time

  • Show sell price so you can scroll over your inventory and see item sell price

    • There's also an easier fishing mod that might be useful (linked from PC Gamer article) but it's not from one of the modding sites I usually use.

      Cosmetic mod post coming later when I'm not trying to adulting.
lizcommotion: a line of ducklings walking towards the viewer (duckling line)
The Stardew Valley Mac/Linux Beta is now available! I don't know if everyone is in Pokemon-land but if you haven't been able to play LET ME REC IT for you.

Steam beta pwd is MonoGame2016

Beta bug report page

dev tweet with instructions & responses. @concernedape is really good about responding to help requests in a timely manner, too

Planning on downloading the Linux beta myself later because then I don't have to keep booting onto my Windows partition.

I still need to make a Mods post but I expect those will also work slightly differently on Mac/Linux.

in case you are interested, games I am currently playing:

  • Stardew Valley

  • Ingress

  • Pokemon Go

  • Star Trek Timelines (on a trial download, still deciding what I think)

  • Animal Crossing New Leaf (though I am way behind but I time travel shamelessly so nbd)

  • Dragon Age: Inquisition (but I'm stalled because my hands do not always like PS4 controller)
lizcommotion: Pile of books (book)
I had complete sensory overload last night so I found a few random books available on Overdrive and checked one out. The first I was going to try had all these "what a great Christian fairytale!" things in the beginning and I went...OK NOPE not my jam. So I read Soundless, which I was hesitant about because it had the capacity to be so very bad if the author didn't do her research.

(She did her research, as far as I can tell. But if you disagree, please lmk.)

is about a small mining town high in an Asian-inspired-fantasy-setting. The town is completely cut off from outsiders, and their only communication is a zip line: they send minerals down, they get food back. (Their soil is too poor to grow any food.) Other than miners, those who work the supply line, and servants, the other main job is as an artist/calligrapher. Everyone in the town is Deaf, and has been for centuries, so they have artists observe the day's events, record them meticulously on scrolls every evening, and put them in the town square every morning so everyone knows the day's news. Then the scrolls are kept for future generations.

Everyone has forgotten what sound is, and everything is completely designed to be accessible to those who are Deaf, and there's no stigma about it. However, some people are beginning to lose their vision, which means they can't work in the mines. As there are less minerals to trade, this is creating a food shortage for the entire community.

The main character mysteriously regains her hearing. There is a good bit of time dedicated to her having complete sensory overload, and wondering why their ancestors ever wanted hearing in the first place. However, she might be able to save her people, because it's always been too dangerous to climb down the mountain when you can't hear avalanches.

The author avoids tropes like "hearing is better" and "people regaining their hearing is the only happy ending." Also, vision loss is only tragic because there's resource scarcity (and prejudice against those who can't work). There's some pretty great stuff when the MC interacts with hearing people along the lines of "UGH why don't they understand these BABY SIGNS they are so obvious" and also when meeting other people who have lost their hearing some "look your sign language is not exactly the same as mine let's figure out what this sign is." Also, "learning the words for sounds."

It also doesn't romanticize the mountain town as being full perfect magical disabled people: there's injustice and mean people, too.

A fun book to get me through sensory overload that did not make me shouty and was a good example of "hey look at the social model of disability in action" for YA lit. Also, yay for "not another generic European fantasy setting." Planning to get it for my nephew once he can deal with a het romance plotline.
lizcommotion: Agent Carter, in white blouse, looking determined (agent carter determined)
There's a post on tumblr about Lady Rage that is worth a read. (cn: gifs, cis-centric in that it doesn't explicitly deal with trans issues but touches briefly on "other marginalized groups" specifically women of color, but I think the form of socially accepted anger they speak to is relevant to many and I did not note open transphobia just more...writing from an AFAB perspective? ANYWAY IDK DECIDE FOR YOURSELVES IF THIS IS FOR YOU).

DM: How often my friends and I seem to ask each other permission before we actually admit that we’re experiencing anger. “I know ___ was just trying to help, but isn’t this email weird?” or “I’m sure I’m blowing this out of proportion….”, etc. etc. I sometimes feel like IT TAKES A VILLAGE [of HARPIES and SHREWS and VALKYRIES and VIRAGOS - every last one of them terribly, terribly shrill] for a woman to admit that she is feeling mad!

DS: Yeah, there’s our feminine socialization in action right there. “Is this emotion that I’m having actually the emotion that I’m having? Am I authorized to have this emotion? I’ll need that emotional authorization form filled out in triplicate before I can actually experience it without feeling bad.” This is a huge benefit to back-channel communications with fellow ladyfriends. It’s almost worthwhile to get mad, if only because of the loud communal cackling I get to do by processing that anger with my pals. And I do think there’s something valuable about the way women respond in undercover, subtle & funny ways to the ridiculousness we witness daily. For one thing, so much great art has arisen from feminine rage. For another, I don’t want to go around actually Hulking out all the time, but I do want to acknowledge my negative feelings more honestly in public. I think. I have a lot of conflicting thoughts about this.
the h/t #NormalizeLadyRage on Twitter also has some good content and hopefully someone will storify that shit.

also touches on fandom, dismissal of female fans, and HULKING OUT.
lizcommotion: A black-and-white photo of a Victorian woman (victorian lady)
I ran out of new episodes of Orphan Black (which I enjoy but does make me so twitchy about eugenics and creeped out), so of course I watched seven episodes of PBS's Mercy Street last night. It's a period show set during the Civil War at a Union hospital in Alexandria, VA (though filmed in Richmond). I have mixed feelings. Spoilers within.

tw: on-screen period racist violence, sexual assault and why this makes me shouty, also the copious white tears of Confederates including PTSD and SI, all the mental health triggers )

tl;dr However historically accurate or not Mercy Street may be, I did not like it and it made me shouty. It did keep me occupied during a pain flare but uh. Would not rec.
(this is a show where my partner looks at me and goes, "Why did you watch this?" and I go, "Um, pretty skirts? Filmed locally? Shouty historian? I...don't know.")
lizcommotion: typewriter on a table, faded (writing)
Midsomer Murders x Dr Who

Why does no one move from Midsomer? Why are only two bumbling yet affable detectives in charge of a string of seemingly unrelated murders instead of a giant task force full of forensics people? Why is it still seen as a pleasant destination?

The Doctor knows some deeper work must be at play. His only regret is that it has taken him so long to investigate...better get ready to RUN.
lizcommotion: a raptor silhouetted against a sunet over the beach (bird sunset)
so my mom went to the ER because her Super Bad Lupus Flare is maybe gallbladder related. I'm hoping it's "just" gallstones or something necessitating a gallbladder removal, and not Lupus that has progressed to organ attacks.

also, a part of me that I am not entirely proud of is SUPER HAPPY that at least it's not me in the ER the Friday of a holiday weekend.

good thoughts appreciated. leaving comments off because my email is overwhelming as it is right now and I am already hiding from it.
lizcommotion: a photo of a globe (world)
So I haven't seen a lot about this recently on social media, which makes me think that the organizers of this campaign are just bad at social media. BUT it is an important issue, and I can't deal with tweeting about it in 140 character chunks, so I'm just going to share here for now.
cn: cut for those on a news fast, but with a request for signal boosting about DC Statehood and budget issues )
lizcommotion: Agent Carter, in white blouse, looking determined (agent carter determined)
Conveniently, [personal profile] davidgillon made a really good post yesterday about the 2016 US Presidential election and candidates' attitudes towards disability rights/platforms/activists.

(Conveniently because I always mean to make Follow Friday posts but then forget to ask people permission, or forget what day of the week it is.)

[personal profile] davidgillon is worth following for other posts too, like about writing and SFF and disability also other activist issues of note.

Also, to combine a short and related linkspam, two articles and a storify that may be of interest (though these are non-dw):

7 ways my non-disabled friends get it right

Why disabled people write about ableism

Storify: #DisabilityTooWhite (a twitter conversation about intersections of race, disability, erasure, and white privilege)
lizcommotion: A black-and-white photo of a Victorian woman (victorian lady)
I can and will try to write a short answer to this, as I have Many Thoughts on the US ideals of "progress".

(Note: I am writing from a US history perspective here, so I use the word "we" in places to mean "the US mainstream narrative" but it's to save lots of words; I know there are a lot of other perspectives throughout the world and even within the US and I don't want to discount them. Just, language is hard, and expanding beyond the US begins to be beyond the scope of one blog entry.)

Much of the ideas we currently have about progress coalesced during the Progressive Era (1890s-1920s), though they draw from other times and have morphed since then as well.

The Progressive Era was kind of a mixed bag, in a "tally up how we did by today's moral standards" measure. tw: there are some good things here, but gear up for All The Grossness of Historical and Modern Racism, Classism, Sexism, Ableism, anti-NDN policies et al herein, you have been warned )

So, do I think "progress" should be a taboo word like "f-g-t" or banned from the language? No. Plus "I'm making a lot of progress on my life goals" is certainly a fine use of the word.

But I think that knowing the history of how the idea of Progress has been misused is important. (It can have its good points, too.) When I reflexively flinch at the word, now, I also look very carefully at how people use it -- because the speaker can often betray traces of progressivism's history without meaning too.

David Brooks is a soft targettw: yes expect David Brooks to be gross and racist and ethnocentric )

lizcommotion: Fandom is the universe's way of making up for family (fandom family)
Relevant to everyone's interests:

Here is a Gollum 2016 Campaign photo that is amazing and has had me giggling since yesterday:

Image reads
Gollum 2016: a look at the issues
table has two columns: Yes, my precious and WE HATES IT!
In the Yes, my precious column: The precious, Fish, Riddles,
WE HATES IT, column: Bagginses, The Fat Hobbit, Hobbitses in General, Elves, Taters
lizcommotion: Agent carter, in white blouse, looking amused (agent carter amused)
Despite the fact that MCU is pissing me off with various decisions and I kind of don't want to support them by writing tons more fic in their universe, and I am also focusing on writing more femslash...

I do NEED this fic. Like, need it.

The idea: Tony Stark does not make bad life choices Tony Stark uses his inventive powers to make lots of accessibility devices for Bucky and his PTSD/arm and also for any residual Steve/Falcon/Bucky I-have-been-in-war pains. And lbr, also probably PTSD. Like not "let me put a power supply in your body" but like actual accessibility devices.

I leave the bulk of What Accessible Devices Would Tony Stark Make up to the creator of the fic, but I can think of some. (Like for PTSD, noise cancelling devices, but also store walls that are designed to absorb noise rather than reflect it. Maybe some sort of sonar device that clicks to let you know someone is coming up behind you, to help with startle reflex. But then Bucky is like, no Tony, that is actually just making me twitchier, sorry.) For pain? Maybe a glove so that when people rush up to shake Falcons' hand with crushing excitement, it doesn't set off pain because the glove absorbs the force.

Also, perhaps Falcon is like, "Hey, I have some friends from the VA, maybe you can help them out, too." And Natasha is like, "So, it's not just war heroes who have PTSD you know." And maybe Pepper and Natasha and Maria Hill all share a moment of, "Ha, even the Shield doctors don't take women seriously. *shared eyeroll*"

AND THEN Tony Stark gets all mad because WHY IS THE ADA SO POORLY ENFORCED and and UNIVERSAL DESIGN IS BETTER ANYWAY and WHY IS THERE NOT MORE FUNDING and he uses all his moniez to go on a media/lobbying blitz about it. And eventually he gets super angry about it and Pepper's like "Tony, Tony. You do not need to destroy a building with your metal suit to make a point." And Tony Stark is like, "WHY NOT. Why is the system so fucked up! It is infuriating! Also they keep putting displays in front of the automatic door and will not listen to reason!" And then Pepper goes in and uses the art of Diplomacy, and there is also maybe a deployment of Maria Hill or perhaps even Natasha Romanov to certain lawmakers to pressure them into better legislation.

OK yes I need this now. To wash the bitter bitter taste of CA: CW out of my mouth (which I have not even seen).

Dribbles/etc appreciated as well.

*puppy dog eyes*
lizcommotion: A hand drawn terrier "smiling" and looking slightly cross-eyed, shown from the neck up (dog terrier djinni)
Signal Boosting for [personal profile] raze:
Crowd funding for surgical costs incurred by a small scale animal rescue in central Alabama
(content note: please note that an image of a stitched surgical incision appears at the end of the post, since the cut is bypassed by my direct link)

For those of you unfamiliar with [personal profile] raze, please know that they do AMAZING work for many, many animals that would otherwise be completely abandoned or unnecessarily euthanized. Any donations made will go a very long way; they are currently trying to raise $500 for vet bills.

You can also find more about [personal profile] raze 's animals -- including animal rescue and animal care info -- via allcreaturessmall on tumblr (there is also a dw feed for the tumblr if that's your jam). There's miniature pigs and all sorts of creatures, it's worth a look.
lizcommotion: A hand-drawn/colored lovely little creature with a knitted cap and piles of yarn behind it knitting a scarf (knitting creature)
Cat Update )

What I have been knitting lately )

Writing Meta )

Here's a short excerpt I wrote the other day that I am particularly proud of )

I've been on Twitter a lot in the middle of the night when I can't sleep because of hip pain, because there's lots of other people who can't sleep either, and also because when I have brain fog 140 characters is easier to handle than larger chunks of text.

However, joyously! my brain is letting me read now. Possibly because I am utterly sick of television, as for months I couldn't really do anything after 6 pm other than watch Netflix under a pile of cats. So, rec me your books! Quick, while I can enjoy them!
lizcommotion: A hand drawn terrier "smiling" and looking slightly cross-eyed, shown from the neck up (dog terrier djinni)
so I really like good stand up, by which I mean stand up which makes me laugh really hard and is not reliant on gross racist/othering jokes.

if this is also your jam and you have not watched Maz Jobrani, then let me take a moment to rec his stuff to you! he was part of the original Axis of Evil comedy tour (formed in response to George W Bush's infamous state of the union speech as a way to humanize the alleged evil terrible people in said countries, though I do not think they ever managed to recruit a Korean comedian?)

anyway, one of my personal favorite skits is about Middle Easterners and dancing. Partly because I have had this exact experience at several weddings.

(Pro tip: if the clapping gets to you, [personal profile] maramcreates very rightly pointed out that no one will know if you fake clap to save your hands.)
lizcommotion: A Japanese schoolgirl overlooking a harbor and a figure with wings (Choice)
The Toast has a recent post on The Holidays Sad Fictional Characters Deserve.

I now need a fleshed out version of this Bertha Mason one, though the paragraph from the Toast is perfect and I am rolling it around in my mind periodically.

cut for feelz )


lizcommotion: Lily and Chance squished in a cat pile-up on top of a cat tree (buff tabby, black cat with red collar) (Default)

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