lizcommotion: A hand drawn spinning wheel covered in roses (spinning wheel briar rose)
i have recently discovered/realized that most of my executive function runs on anxiety. or i should say, RAN on anxiety. this is...not sustainable. omg, is it not. but let me backtrack.
cn: descriptions of anxiety as relates to coping with executive function )

+1 anxiety level-up, now there's a new boss to fight i guess

SO, here's some thinkythoughts and reflection, in case that helps anyone else.

but also, how does anyone get anything the fuck done? suggestions welcome, with the understanding that brains are different.
lizcommotion: sign which says "Please do not feed the fears" (brain weasels (do not feed))
Note: apologies in advance for the very gender binary language. I am using the terms the medical establishment uses for vaccine criteria which because medical establishment they are shitty, but I am also trying to be inclusive where possible. Just FYI totally skip the part behind the cut text if you need to.

So I like to think of myself as a fairly sympathetic listener. (Doesn't everyone tho?) This is harder in person than in text, because in text I get a sense to read something I was going to say and then erase it because I was about to offer unsolicited advice.

Also in person I sometimes freak out because I am somewhat rusty with humaning and so I just sort of ramble sometimes. Also also, if a nerd-out button gets pressed sometimes I start nerding and then forget we were actually supposed to be talking about the anxiety issue until I have rambled on about this cool thing I found out when I was researching the other day for...awhile. This sometimes also hits my social anxiety button, which means I just. keep. talking.

I am working on this. It is hard.

Recently I was talking about anxiety with a person who shall remain nameless, and the shitty visceral-ness of anxiety. And how anxiety's so toxic that certain medical people recommend not doing regular breast lump self-checks because the freaking out is more toxic than the rate of cancer actually detected. (Or something something like that?)

Anyway, health research is one of my nerd buttons. (My mom is a nurse, I grew up with "I saw the coolest parasite at work today!" as dinner table conversation. Then in college I was a peer sexual health educator and thought about doing public health, which basically means my filter for "these are things we don't talk about in public restaurants" or "check if there are children here before launching into certain topics" is something I have trouble gauging sometimes.)

cn: gardasil, cancer, sexual health and sexytimes, trying to adapt binary medical language to more trans inclusive, spendy things if you don't have insurance bc this is America dammit, here be vaccines )

tl;dr If I am talking to you -- online or off -- and I nerd out at you about a thing and it actually increases your anxiety, please tell me to stop. I am probably telling myself to stop in my head but I forgot that I have the option to do that because I hit Awkward Land. I'm working on it.

And usually I am not this bad. I think. Also maybe now you know a thing about the vaccine for HPV that you did not know before! Or maybe you did.

(Also, if you want to nerd out about cool medical research and/or sexual health, lmk. I am probably down for that, even if it includes parasites. Probably especially if it includes parasites.)

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