lizcommotion: A hand drawn spinning wheel covered in roses (spinning wheel briar rose)
i have recently discovered/realized that most of my executive function runs on anxiety. or i should say, RAN on anxiety. this is...not sustainable. omg, is it not. but let me backtrack.
cn: descriptions of anxiety as relates to coping with executive function )

+1 anxiety level-up, now there's a new boss to fight i guess

SO, here's some thinkythoughts and reflection, in case that helps anyone else.

but also, how does anyone get anything the fuck done? suggestions welcome, with the understanding that brains are different.
lizcommotion: four different colored panels of the MRI image of a brain (brain)
hello friends!

i have to do this documentation for my insurance company to prove that I still qualify for this special disability exemption thing. (Note: I will still have insurance if they reject it, just less good insurance. so don't worry on my account.)

the documentation I need relates to how, specifically, my conditions impact my daily functions and thus prevent me from working. the fun thing is my brain fog has been crap lately so I had to read their letter five times to figure that out. /o\

Request for links:

I am getting assistance with writing letters and contacting doctors, but I'm looking for help finding a comprehensive list of "Activities of Daily Living" or prohibitions to working or something of that nature. Preferably something in checklist/numeric form so I can tick of boxes and then pass it to people who can Word right now. something like "Can you open jars without assistance?" and "How hard is it to dress yourself?" and all those fun questions that are just...annoying as crap.

General announcement:

Note: I've also been less present on dreamwidth because my "mental energy" spoons are really fucking low right now, and so it's "do I catch up on dreamwidth OR write some words for campnano OR talk to friends OR read a chapter in this YA novel OR knit in stockinette stitch OR operate a stove OR schedule an appointment." It...is really really annoying. Like, *possibly* the most annoying thing I have dealt with in this whole disability experience, though that could be some sort of retrospective haze thing making other things feel less shitty. Anyway, I have feelz, which...will maybe share when I have more brains.

Also note: I have been around on Twitter (@ untonuggan) more often because 140 characters are something my brain can *mostly* handle (except when I get aphasia or reading comprehension issues and misread crap or can't type).
lizcommotion: a hand drawn/colored happy cane (disability cane happy)
My body feels roughly as crappy as it did when I did theater in high school and it was "hell week" cn: spoonie self-talk about having to cancel a thing, and also oh hai pain flare, we're gonna rest now, huh )
And all of this? All of this I carry in my head as a tape now that the brain weasels helpfully roll out every time I might have to cancel something I had scheduled. *sigh*

lizcommotion: an MS paint picture of someone lying in bed with rainbows outside, words read "no" (hyperbole-depression)
Today I battled traffic for an hour to find out that I need three to four gum surgeries in the next two months to prevent cavities (or further cavities) and root canals and tooth death and stuff. The gum dentist was all reassuring about pain and my potential concerns about the gum grafts, but honestly after my past experiences + chronic pain I am at "meh" about gum grafts. Like if they don't work and are painful and I have complications that drag on and on, then I will be pissed. But if they are an acute issue that prevents other stuff that's temporarily painful? Whatever. Bring it.

Anyway, this is a roundabout way of saying that I'm getting fed up with moar police shootings or How This Neglected Animal Ended Up in Rescue Horror Story or labor rights being chipped away or the same with reproductive rights and...

...basically, I need a reminder that the world is not a giant pile of shit. Or that if it is, it's like fertile horse manure that can be used to grow roses and tasty fucking vegetables or something. IDK this metaphor may have gotten away from me.

So, uh, if you are also feeling similarly (or have contributions!) here is an open thread to share happy stories, random acts of good things, pretty shiny pictures of things you have made or cute animals (preferably cute animals not being tormented but still looking cute plz), sunsets or sunrises, poetry, whatever.

For some reason Spring always messes with my mood, which is maybe more insulting to me because the world seems to be all, "It's spring motherfucker! Look how sunny and bright and flowery we are! We have stolen your soul to fuel our pollen masses! Now you can only sneeze and not smile!" and it seems so contradictory to feel like a gloom ball when it's like a Disney movie outside (well, maybe that's not actually contradictory), but anyway rambling again.

I am learning though that feeling weird/wonky in Spring is actually not that uncommon, so this is also a post if you just need a spot to go, "Me too! I am also feeling weird/wonky/gloom-ballicious!" However, since trying to share generally soft-and-puppy related themed things, if anything is triggering please place under a warning or maybe if someone else has spoons there can be a separate post for general woe-themed things.

signal-boosting welcome, this is an open thread. please play nice.
lizcommotion: four different colored panels of the MRI image of a brain (brain)
Background: I take Celebrex for pain because so far (besides Lyrica, which really works for nerve pain not joint pain), nothing else works. My doctor said the next thing to try would be a heavier narcotic, and I am not a fan of that class of drugs if I can possibly avoid it.

Recently: So when I was in the hospital they took me off my Celebrex (a pain medication), but didn't give anyone a clear reason why. The nursing staff apparently kind of implied to my father that maybe-sorta it might have been an oversight of not getting put into the computer, but they weren't sure and of course couldn't say because litigation hush hush.
I guess this needs a trigger warning? brief mention of seizures, gut stuff, other med side effects )
Now: It would be so great if all my problems could be traced to one source, even though I really really really Do Not Want this pain right now. Celebrex has been "great", at least for pain, in that I could do more than lie on the couch and go "ow." So I really hope we can get this under control.

Until then, I guess I'll be playing a lot of New Leaf and other video games. And watching TV. Hey, maybe Celebrex caused my book-reading-halting brain fog, too. Wouldn't that be great/terrible?

ETA: Also, due to med half life, I can look forward to another 2 days of side effects at least. Weeeee!

lizcommotion: tea cup, a book, and reading glasses (tea and book)
My therapist suggested that I might enjoy reading Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist who survived the Nazi concentration camps and went on to help found existential therapy. She was right; he's really resonating with me. I'm only dipping a toe in at this point, because I'm still having trouble concentrating on reading Walls of Text. However I'm gleaning some core concepts from Wikipedia, GoodReads, TED Talks, etc. Definitely not as much as if I had read Man's Search for Meaning (his best-known book),  but enough that I feel comfortable responding with some of my own thoughts.

So recently I went to a Terrible Party with some Old "Friends"*. I came away, at first, feeling put-down and believing it. cut for length; tw: disability, ableism, psychology )
lizcommotion: image of a water lily blooming in a pond (lily)
Today I got up and wanted to post all the rage I'm having about George Zimmerman and anti-abortion legislation and the attempted bombing of a mosque in the West Midlands and just all the reasons why this world we live in is generally SNAFU'd right now. It feels like Sauron is winning and I am pissed off.

Then I remembered the last time I was hospitalized, and how it was right around the Boston Marathon Bombings. And how I had Particularly Dark Timez (TM) around the DC Sniper Shootings. And you know what? I wasn't alone. The holidays aren't the only time mental health facilities fill up. Any time there's been a news event that I have found ~*~!infuriating or triggering beyond my capability to express it!~*~ there have been others in those facilities experiencing the same thing.

Someone even made a painting of Trayvon Martin in art therapy; it was posted on the wall of an inpatient hospital.

If the local can affect the global, so the global can affect the local. What is more local than our own bodies, our own mental health?

Yes it is important to stay engaged, to make a difference in the world. But we need to be fully charged to do so. Therefore, in response to what some are calling "the worst day on the internet", I am dubbing this entry a safe space.

Here is a place to recharge. A virtual "book of happy" for anyone who cares to participate, if you will. Feel free to post inspiring quotes, funny pictures or animated gifs, alllllll the cute animal photos, good songs, whatever. Just please, don't bring the news here. This is a news free zone.

I am currently leaving comments unscreened, but if it becomes a problem then I will turn screening on.
lizcommotion: monarch butterfly on a branch (butterfly monarch)
The most wonderful [personal profile] staranise  is doing a crowdfunding project for MA thesis completion success~! staranise's MA thesis is super awesome, and staranise's posts in general on dw about counselling school have greatly helped me improve my own mental health through osmosis. Here's a description of staranise's thesis:

"My thesis is a study of the effects of having been bullied and ostracized as a child. This is important because as well as the pain and suffering bullying causes children, research increasingly shows that being bullied as a child can leave deep, lasting damage just as surely as being abused by one's family. "

If you have an extra dollar or two, maybe put it in the hat/tip jar? staranise specifically requests that you do not do so if this puts you in financial hardship though.

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